memoryboxes | 31st Memory [Video/Action]

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31st Memory [Video/Action]

[Sayo couldn't remember a lot concerning her kidnapping and how long she'd been gone (she never does), but it actually hadn't been long. Felt like a long time, but it wasn't. All she could think opening her eyes was that she had to go to work soon. She tries to drag herself to her feet using a fallen tree, reaching for the journal that had just fallen from numbed hands. The feed starts up staring up at the trees, where sun was streaming through.

And then the sounds of rustling stops. Off-screen, Sayo is reaching behind her ear shakily, under her hair, where a thumping jagged wound—newly stitched—ran from the back of her ear toward the back of her head. About three inches, but enough to scare her. It hurt to the touch, and maybe it was causing this pain thrumming in her head. Was this always there? This painful mark? And then it hits her.

Something's wrong.

Who's this person in her memories? Why is she thinking of these things? She doesn't remember—

"Mom, why didn't you say anything?!"

I just want to forget...

"Mom!!"

She tries to control her breathing, but the flood of images hit her from all sides, and she wraps her arms around herself. These things—she'd forgotten these things, she wanted to forget them.]

No...

[She jars the journal over with her leg, and clutches her head in her hands before she doubles over. She doesn't even remember his name. It's not fair that she remembers the rest of it: Kaji's hand clutched in hers, she fell, and then that was it. She'd forgotten. She'd forgotten what he'd done to her. She'd loved him so much—]

No!!

[Muffled by her kimono she screams at first, and then the tears start, raw and throaty sounds escaping her. Why did they give these back to her? She didn't want them. She was happy just having Kaji and never remembering the rest. She breathlessly reaches over and hits the journal away, and it lands upside down. Black screen.]

Why—why—

I thought I was... I thought you...

[She hadn't forgotten him the same way she'd played out in her mind.

He forgot her.]

[She'll get up and start wearily toward the village eventually. She just wants to get home--Mithos needs her, and she needs to get ready for the day, and... she's not sure what time it is, but she needs to go.]

[Through the first few days, she goes right back to work at the tea shop and the restaurant. She's found working to be... some sort of distraction. Anything is a welcomed distraction. She's not her usual best, but she'll try hard. She might be forgetting things that she wouldn't usually forget; lately, she's had a hard time focusing, so her notes are blurring together for her. She'll serve as usual, though. She'll be a good worker. Or at least a decent one, all things considered.]

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No, you aren't alright... [He can hear the sharp breathing. He's listening for any clues that give away how not alright she is, because he's had years of practice doing the same with his sister. The lack of video feed is disconcerting, leaving him in the dark.]

Can you remember what happened? [Had someone hurt her? Tried to hurt her? Had she been taken by the Malnosso? Someone else?]

I remember... [everything. She bites her lip, and is quiet for a moment.] I was taken. Those strange machines grabbed me when I—when I was walking home.

I can't remember what happened after that... I just-

There was a room with metal bars...

You were kidnapped... [And returned so quickly. Still, half a day is enough time to inflict all sorts of damage.] Did they hurt you badly?

[That he isn't trying to keep the panic out of his voice, that it hasn't even occurred to him to do so, is a mark of how far he's poked out of his shell with her.]

No, I... I'm alright...

[The thumping pain behind her ear says otherwise, but she's scared to mention it. She's scared to worry them, and also, scared of the reason why it hurts so much. No, she's too busy burning through lost memories, remembering his face, his voice, his soothing way of talking. Kaji's birth, how her husband held him proudly—it's all overwhelming. She can't-

She puts her hands over her mouth, eyes burning as a choked sob tries to escape around her fingers. She trembles at the effort, unseen by the blocked screen.]

I'm alright... It'll be okay... I'm sorry—I'm sorry I worried you. I'm sorry—

[Why didn't he love me? Was it something I did wrong?

I'm sorry if I made a mistake-

What did she do wrong?

Was she too weak?

Was she not there when he needed her? She always waited for him. She was always waiting for him, and even when she wasn't, she found him.]

[He doesn't believe her. Something is wrong, very wrong, but he doesn't know what.] ...Will you come back? [Home. Come back home, even if he still can't say the word aloud.] You should rest for a while.

[Th—that's right. Mithos was at home, and she needed to make sure he was okay. She smiles at nothing at all, her voice worn down.] Yes... I'll be home soon. I just need a few—minutes...? I'm coming right now. What time is it??

[She's not even sure. But it feels like morning (which is just about right; it's only just 10 o'clock right now).]

I'll come home and rest a little, and then I'll make us some lunch...

[Because she's not sure how to register any of this, so she'll just... try to pretend none of it happened, that nothing was wrong. Nothing at all.]

[He quickly consults the clock.] It's ten o'clock in the morning.

...You don't have to worry about lunch. You just need to get some rest.

I guess that's true. I am a little exhausted... A little rest sounds nice.

[She's up on her feet, journal in hand, but her legs fold beneath her and she collapses to her knees again, dizzy from everything circling in her head. It's like learning your life over again, and then someone coming along and smashing it with a hammer—your heart, that is. She'd remembered so many fond times with this man, with this person who's name didn't carry, and now she knows why she was alone in 'love'. In reality and in memory.

She bows her head low, and the fallen screen catches the corner of her shoulder as she trembles and suppresses her anguish.]

I'll—be home soon—!

[She shuts the journal because she can't hide it anymore, and she can't just cry in front of Mithos. Even if it would worry him either way, she just... can't. So instead she sits and lets her shoulders relax. Her head is pounding, but she's got to move, so she does. She starts home. And eventually she'll make it to the front door, standing as tall and normal as she can, like everything was okay.

But it wasn't. She wipes her face, tries to fix her bangs, and then opens the door to her apartment. It's been thirty minutes since she'd answered his message, but here she is. Even if she looks like she's been battling to keep her very spirit inside her, she's here.]

Will you be-- [able to make it on your own? He'd wanted to ask - because he doesn't care if he's supposed to stay put, if she needs help - but then the journal is shut and he knows all he can do is wait. He doesn't know and he can't help and the apartment is anxious without her.

He had been pacing restlessly. As soon as she steps through the door, he's hurrying to her side.] Are you sure you're not hurt? [She'd already denied it, but he can't help but ask again. Standard practice after a life with Martel.]

[She holds her arms up at her sides, looking worse for wear, but at least there's no (obvious) injuries to her person.] I'm not hurt, I'm fine. I just need a little while to sit down.

[Sit down and do what? Remember? No, she's scared of the idea. Her heart feels like it's been ripped in half, and now her mind is following suite, slowly and surely.

But she has to try to pretend its all okay.]

I'm sorry I left, even if it wasn't too long. I'm supposed to be here...

[He glances her over, and the sharpest layer of his anxiety slowly fades as his eyes confirm no scrapes or bruises. What little he had seen of the video still prods at him, but...perhaps she was just shaken up by the experience.]

It's...it's okay. You didn't mean to leave. It wasn't your fault. [A little hesitantly, he'll reach for her arm to usher her to the couch for some needed sitting down. Rest will help...right?]

[She'll just let him guide her along, because she's truthfully more exhausted than she's felt in a long while. She sits with a relieved, shaky sigh, holding her arms close in their sleeves.] Still, I... I panicked a little. I really should keep things like this to memory so I don't feel so surprised every time...

[Yeah 'surprised'. Just surprised.]

[He helps her sit down, and maybe he's exacting too much care but this is the natural mode he falls into when he's worried.] It isn't really easier to endure when you do remember... [...Ah, wait, this is supposed to be reassuring but it kind of isn't.]

I'll get you a cup of water. [And he'll hurry off to do that.]

Ah—[But he's already moving, so she just lets him win this one.] Thank you...

[She was pretty parched. How long has it been since she's drank anything? She'd just about grimaced at that reply about remembering, though. She's barely managing to keep herself together in front of him. But she can't keep her hands from shaking in her lap, whether it's from weariness or anxiety.]

[He hands the cup to her, sitting down at the other end of couch. He then seems to change his mind, scooting a few inches closer.]

[She sits quietly with the drink, and remains that way for a long, pregnant pause. She keeps flipping through these memories, in horrified awe at how clear they are, at how sudden they'd came to her. She shakes still, the strength she'd stirred to come home long since gone.

Kaji's hand in hers. She pulls him and he's calling to her.

Mom!!

She reaches over and grabs Mithos' hand, squeezing for reassurance. His hand was around the same size as Kaji's; the thought makes her bite her lip, eyes glazing with tears that threaten to slip down her face.]

[He watches her in unsettled silence, small and powerless in the way a child only can feel when a parent - a protector, a rock - falls apart in front of him. When she squeezes his hand, he covers her hand with his other. His hold is firm, afraid to let go.

He doesn't know what to say. His mouth opens wordlessly for a moment, before he remembers what she would say to him if their places were switched.] I'm...here. I'm here.

[It's a small comfort. She'll take anything she can right now. Without hesitation she leans in, holding his hand tightly in her shaking one, tears dripping freely now as she tries to subdue the sounds of anguish that want to pour free. Feverish, she keeps close to his side.]

Please, don't go anywhere.

[This time, she needs you. This time, someone left her.

She's scared that she'll feel his hand vanish from hers, and then the house will truly be silent.]

[He's often wondered how she can find the strength to keep standing up tall and walking forward with the burden she's forced to carry, and now he wonders how she's stopped herself from breaking down like this so many other times.] I won't... I'm not leaving you.

[It feels natural to say, even as he remembers that the last time he had seen her so low...he had been the one to cast her down there. Because he had run away. That place seems thousands of miles behind him as he squeezes her hand gently.]

I'll stay right here.

[He has nowhere else to go, but even if he did he couldn't leave her. Not just because he needs her to care about him, but because for some reason she might need him too.]

[The words seem to break apart whatever strength she was trying to muster to support herself, and her body sags to lean closer; she's a leaning, trembling figure, clutching to his hand like a small, scared child. All the while, she cries, breaths replaced with sobs she tries in vain to hush.]

[He gently takes back one of his hands so that he can wrap his arm around her shoulders and hold her as close as she wants to be. The hand that remains clasps hers more firmly. Dimly through the thick desperation that binds them, it strikes him as odd that he should be taller than her. He has been for some time, but it never seemed this prominent before. As she cries, he doesn't let up with the soft reassurances.]

I'm here...I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be alone. [He doubts he's as good at comforting, at striking just the right words, as she is, but he wants to try. He wants her to know he's sincere. Sincere enough to scare himself...it's scary, caring this much.]

Thank you—I'm sorry, thank you-

[Times like these, she wishes she could sleep. She wishes she could feel that sensation unknown to her—rest and darkness, something she could flee to for a moment. But then... perhaps it's best she couldn't sleep. Couldn't dream. So instead she just leans on his shoulder, eyes shut, trembling lessened by his support.

She would not be alone. It's what held her together in that moment, knowing what she knew.

Mithos would be here.]

[It's scary because of the moments when he remembers she's a human - after moments when distinctions evaporate because with her it doesn't matter - and the word is heavy enough with insidious connotations to wind him, despite how far he's come. Scary because he doesn't know what lies ahead of him.]

You have nothing to apologize for.

[But it would be scarier without her by his side. He knows what it's like to have loneliness crush him down smaller and smaller to the point where he feels like he doesn't exist anymore. He doesn't want her to know that feeling.

She has been there for him, in that dark place where all you want is something to hold onto, so he will be here for her.]

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31st Memory [Video/Action]

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