Sayo | Mushishi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
memoryboxes) wrote2011-09-23 01:59 pm
memoryboxes) wrote2011-09-23 01:59 pm
22nd Memory [Future-dated to Saturday Morning][Voice/Possible Action]
[It was the usual day—forgetting something, needing an ear on the matter, and then calling someone. It was when she would typically call someone like Raine, or Ginko. And when she called the Mushi-shi, it fell through.
...
It fell through?
No, that's not right. That wouldn't happen. She must've just... done something wrong.
But then it continues to not connect. It's not connecting... That meant—No, no, nonono, no, please. You can't do this. You can't wander away again; it was okay to walk away before, but not now. You can't just leave now, after everything that's happened, after all she's learned and gained—gained from everyone here, and from you.
Her hands grow numb and her body is hot and her head is spinning, and for a moment she loses her legs from under her and nearly pulls the tablecloth down with her. A soft pitter pat of stunned tears hit the journal. No... It's just a mistake. Maybe they took him and shut off his journal. But that wouldn't make sense, would it, Sayo?
—she has to be sure. And upon checking where he would have typically stayed... she's struck silent.
He's gone.
When she makes the announcement, there's a long, horrible pause where she keeps her voice from betraying the overwhelming feeling in her stomach.]
Ginko-san is....
Ginko-san has left Luceti.
[As the journal shuts, a choked sob cuts out in the middle. It won't be long now until Nami's journal admits Sanji's leaving, forcing Sayo to unleash her own strained tears at the thought that two of the most important people in her life now have vanished without a trace. O-or... some sad trace, she thinks feverishly, cradling the blue notebook in her arms.
They're gone.... just like that.]
...
It fell through?
No, that's not right. That wouldn't happen. She must've just... done something wrong.
But then it continues to not connect. It's not connecting... That meant—No, no, nonono, no, please. You can't do this. You can't wander away again; it was okay to walk away before, but not now. You can't just leave now, after everything that's happened, after all she's learned and gained—gained from everyone here, and from you.
Her hands grow numb and her body is hot and her head is spinning, and for a moment she loses her legs from under her and nearly pulls the tablecloth down with her. A soft pitter pat of stunned tears hit the journal. No... It's just a mistake. Maybe they took him and shut off his journal. But that wouldn't make sense, would it, Sayo?
—she has to be sure. And upon checking where he would have typically stayed... she's struck silent.
He's gone.
When she makes the announcement, there's a long, horrible pause where she keeps her voice from betraying the overwhelming feeling in her stomach.]
Ginko-san is....
Ginko-san has left Luceti.
[As the journal shuts, a choked sob cuts out in the middle. It won't be long now until Nami's journal admits Sanji's leaving, forcing Sayo to unleash her own strained tears at the thought that two of the most important people in her life now have vanished without a trace. O-or... some sad trace, she thinks feverishly, cradling the blue notebook in her arms.
They're gone.... just like that.]
Re: [voice]
What's your name?
[voice]
Re: [voice]
If you can, I can bring some things that are for you. A-and I—I'd like to talk to you, if you'd like to...
[voice]
Ginko ... he ...
Viciously she swallows a sob and manages to speak, though thickly. ] Yeah, I'd -- I'd like that too. I'll be there soon.
[Action]
still so dizzy, but--
She has anything left for Xion, after careful looking. And if wanted, even the plant, carefully secured in a plant pot. She's grieving, but she can't let herself fall into some sad victim's seat. Ginko had a lot of people here... before her, too. A lot of people who loved him just as much as she did.]
[Action]
But like a heartbeat, under her skin, she feels their warmth and hears their voices telling her she matters. Thudding against her skin in a way she can't ignore, though goodness knows she tries.
"Live."
She is ragged and extremely pale when she turns up at the door and knocks, before leaning on the door frame like she might fall over if she doesn't. ]
Re: [Action]
... They're such messes right now. Aren't they? He'd disapprove of all this sadness and pain. She knows that.]
[Action]
She knows, but the moment Sayo folds her up in her arms, she dissolves into tears all over again. Wretched, aching, exhausted tears, the kind that come after you've already cried too much and you're sick to death of the feeling. She clings to this person she doesn't know at all and just cries. ]
Re: [Action]
Someone told me that it—
It's okay. Even though we know crying for someone returning home is silly, it's still the right thing to do... [She smiles down at her, hurt as it is.] ... We're only human.
[A pause, and another soft pet.]
Not just for Ginko-san, either.
[Nami's journal... She looked through it. She knows. And... understands.]
[Action]
It takes a few minutes for Sayo's words to really sink in, but when they do, Xion looks up with red, wet eyes. ]
... did ... you don't mean ... Sanji? [ It's hard to even say his name. Painful. Terribly, awfully painful. ]
Re: [Action]
Sanji-san and Ginko-san... they were there for me even since the first day I came here... One was my boss, and the other... [She bites her lip.] Ginko-san was like a brother to me. They took care of me, and they never looked down on me for how I am.
I don't know where I'd be here, without their help.
[Action]
Re: [Action] 1/2
You'll cry and hurt a little... and then you'll do what you know he would have told you to do. We'll miss them, and we'll feel lost and confused and hurt for a little while--and that's okay.
[She pulls back, hands on Xion's shoulders.]
Sanji-san was a good, good person. I know he would want you to keep going and not give in because he had to return home.
Re: [Action]
Even though Ginko-san and Sanji-san are gone, I intend to live my best and make them proud.
[Action] GODDAMNIT THIS THREAD
[ It's only through sheer force of will that she doesn't stamp a foot.
"You'll do what you know he would have told you to do."
What would he have told her? What would he have said?
"Ahh, Xion, don't cry. A pretty girl like you shouldn't cry, right~? ... heh, do I even need to tell you what I think?"
In a voice that is him, and not him.
"I know you can do this."
He wouldn't have told her it was okay. He'd never have just comforted her, blankly, with platitudes.
He would have believed in her. Trusted her. Known, without doubting, that she would...
Right now, she still can't quite ... she still can't quite. But the knowledge, the revelation, is there, waiting. Waiting for when she's not so sad. ]
It's not fair. [ She breathes the words without conviction. Of course it's not fair. Luceti isn't fair. Life isn't fair.
... but he's back on the ocean now, isn't he?
... that's something ... isn't it. ]
Re: [Action] ♪ WHYYYY, WHYY YOU LOOK SO SAAAAD ♪
[She closes her eyes. Nami-san and Raine-san... and all these people reaching out to her. She thinks about them, as she thinks about Sanji and Ginko.
She's slow to speak, but she makes sure the words count for something.]
And even then... there are people here who care enough to help lessen the pain. Who want to.
[Action] skdjhgalkjsdhglajksd KJLSDHGJKS /HITS
... I just ... I didn't expect it to ... to happen. I guess I knew it would, someday, but ... [ She laughs, weak and wet and sad, still crying, but her tears are finally starting to slow. ] It's going to hurt so much. Forever.
... but I want to live for them too. [ Another sob catches her breath. ] I want them to be proud of me.
;u; Y U NO LIKE MY SOOOONG
I know they're proud of you, saying something like that.
BECAUSE IT'S A TERRIBLE, AWFUL SONG. ;A;
Somewhere in-between her sobs are words, quiet words, broken up words. They are hard to understand, but if you listen... ] I'm sorry, Sayo. I'm sorry. I'll be strong. I'll be strong for them, and they'll be proud of me. Even worlds away.
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[ She goes to look, as if drawn there. Ginko ... the wanderer, of all people, actually left things...?
... more than anything, it's the flower that gets her. She picks it up with gentle, shaking hands, and brushes her cheek against it and tries not to think about her tears, still falling, sticking to the petals. ]
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It's strange to think he'd leave anything behind, isn't it?
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... still ... it's nice to have something to remember him by. [ Her smile is faint and crooked and a little unhappy and a little nostalgic, all at once. ] ... thank you, Sayo.
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I didn't really do much... but I'm glad you've gotten something.
[a smile]
... Not just physically, of course.